It’s been awhile now. I boarded to Frankfurt on the 23 of July and it didn’t took me long to call that small town my home. Weckesheim. Population: 1000 people. Closest city: Friedberg, only 27000 people which compared with a big city in Germany like Frankfurt or Berlin, it’s a village. I can say I lived 9 months in rural Germany and I survived. After that, picking olives in some farmland in the middle of nowhere sounds peanuts, even without internet! It’s funny how you have no idea what you can endure once you put your mind to it. I’m a big-city-kind-of-girl. I like my possibly to go out and encounter a lot of people, of talking with strangers to ask directions and cool places to go, to take the subway and discover new corners. I love the lights at night and even though I love the nature too, I need the moving lights of a busy city at night to get inspired and recharged to keep on.
Faced with rural Germany, that was no option for me.
I could have left. Now that I look back, I know I could have done things differently, especially in the last 3 months, when I started to feel truly affected by the monotony of the place. But I learned and here I am now, more sure of who I am and where I want to go.
Germany was my reborn. Was learning to walk again on my own, was taking responsibility and supporting myself, was meeting new people and take all I can, while making sure I gave enough also. At the end of the day, I think I didn’t. I didn’t gave enough to the people I met there and that is one of the very few things I regret.
I had this luggage with me I could never open up. I live by the motto of “You share your story with the people who earned the right to hear it”, but I haven’t defined what it takes to earn that right. What does a person need to do to be worthy of my story? I don’t know. That is scary!
I opened it up for myself. I’m good now. In peace with the past, with my mistakes and with myself in general. Germany was my letting go. Was coming closer to where I should be. Physically, mentally and spiritually.
And here I am now, living in a beautiful place in Switzerland, learning French working on my own things, sure of the steps I took. Difficulties test people, in every way possible, but they don’t scare me anymore. I know I can. Somehow I’ll manage to figure my way out.
Sisyphus Dreams 