It’s the fourth month in Switzerland and how much I have learned and came closer to who I am! More life stories I’ve been told. I can’t thank enough to all the people who cross my path and shared their life’s without me asking for it. Today I write to their glory. Their challenges. The things I never faced but I felt them as they were my struggles too. The mistakes and the heartbreaks. The songs left unplayed. The departures for good. The goodbyes.
She has this bright blue eyes you don’t really see well because of the big glasses she always carries. I thought she was lost when I met her, but what I didn’t realize is, she was in the beginning of being found. Or maybe just in a downward spiral of life changing events.
She left. We said goodbye and we hugged. It was a proper goodbye, not like many others. I secretly wish she comes back. I wished she had the strength of standing on her own and not need anyone else. I’ve seen in a bunch of times before. I think it was the place where I grew up, surrounded by women’s stories. Boy meets girl. She’s vulnerable from a lifetime of insecurities and mistrust, from not being good in her skin. She falls in love. Deep and fast. She falls for all the attention, the compliments, the outside and the inside she doesn’t understand. But’s it’s love they say, it’s like that. She’s puzzled. He’s curious. He thinks there’s more in her than meets the eyes, but can’t quite figure it out. The falling is beautiful, it feels magical and that will last forever. But laws of physics don’t disappear when you’re in love, even though I feels like it somehow. He soon see’s what’s behind the mystery that intrigued him. It’s the thorn pieces of her heart, the empty spaces left from the one before, the things he can’t explain because it’s a vacuum inside her. And who wants to fix what another broke? Who wants damaged goods?
That’s what happened. What I’ve seen many times before. She’s putting him before herself. But who am I to judge?
I’m the one who is called selfish. The one who follows her heart and not people or things. Which sounds great on paper, but in real life gets the looks. The comments “How can you do it?!” meaning “She’s probably crazy or running away from something or both.”
Sisyphus Dreams 